I haven’t blogged in a very long time, nor have I kept a
personal journal. I suppose the last year of my service flew by under the radar
with me trapping stories in my head. I’d like to make an attempt to continue to
blog through my last year of service. Yes, last year of service meaning I’ve
decided to extend my service as a PCV. To begin with I’ll answer some questions
about why I’m extending. I’ll then continue to talk about my reverse culture
shock and first impressions of being back in America (I’m on a 3 week ‘special
leave’), and then I’ll go on to tell you about my future plans.
About 1 year into service, I would’ve told you I was going to
be the first volunteer to sprint to the COS line to get out of Albania as soon
as I could. It’s not that I didn’t like living in Albania, it’s that I had some
things going on. First of all, I lived in Milot and I only felt like I had 1
volunteer close by. Mark was my “almost sitemate” and I was incredibly grateful
for that. While I would spend time with Mark on many weekends in the beginning,
I really spent most of the time with my Albanian friends and families, and
while that has created many of my best moment in PC, it was extraordinarily
draining. I was very integrated. I became very good at the language quickly. I
was working my butt off at school. I was at a full speed sprint in a slow-paced
world and I was at an all-time high level of productivity. All this of course
made me super tired all the time. It was an awesome, unforgettable year that I
couldn’t keep up with for another 2 years.
So the 2nd year came, and the light at the end of
the tunnel of my service was in sight. Albanian politics landed my school
director and counterpart in the unemployment line. I was exhausted, and didn’t really find the
same momentum towards teaching that I had before. Friends and family visited me
that Summer, and I wanted to spend more time with them. Cramming love into 1
week is always a strange thing. Times were tough for a little while, but then
things naturally began to get better. I helped my counterpart get a job with PC,
the new group came in and re-populated my region with wonderful people (including
my current roommate and boyfriend), and I began to see my problems as challenges
more than impossibilities. I became less integrated with the community as a whole,
but developed way stronger relationships with specific people in the community.
My language learning slowed down, but
still improved and I tested at Advanced-High on my 2nd year exam. I got very
close with other volunteers and overall, felt the sort of comradery you feel
from being on a team. It was nice.
So nice isn’t the
greatest reason to extend your service in PC Albania… and that’s not the
reason. I came to the conclusion to stay in Peace Corps because…
I drew a little picture of myself. From that picture I drew
2 lines. 1 line pointed to “Stay abroad” and the other to “Back to the US.” I
started with the US side. What would I do there? 1) Go to grad school 2) Get
any job I could find 3) Live at home off my parents dime. Not one of these
options sounded enticing. I didn’t feel ready for grad school. I didn’t want to
pick a boring or entry-level job (I’ll need to go to grad school or get more
international work experience first).
Option 3 was never really an option.
Then I looked ay “Stay abroad,” and before even looking at
what I could do there, I just felt relieved. In my head I kept hearing my
thoughts sat “If not now, when?” I continued to explore more about what I could
do abroad and it looked something like this 1) Grad school 2) work abroad 3)
teach abroad/travel 4) PC extension. I liked all the options. I don’t know why,
but a boring job and grad school all seem so much more fun in another country. I
took some time to consider all of those options. I thought to myself, “I’ve had
a great 2 years of service, and I wish I could work as a teacher here for
another year, but it’s just too stressful since the system is so chaotic and
unorganized.” That’s when it hit me. Why should I not work to try and improve
the system? I have knowledge of what it’s like in an Albanian high school. I‘ve
had a lot of practice these past 2 years leading trainings. I can communicate in the local language. I can
try for a higher position, and why should I not do something to help?
On top of those thoughts, I have great friends here. I have
an awesome boyfriend. I’ll have medical coverage and a support system, and I
know Albania now. Sometimes life just
falls into place.
I moved to a new city called Lezhe which is 15 minutes by furgon
from Milot. It’s a big beautiful city right by the seaside. I work at the Director of Education’s Office
as an English Teacher Trainer. My goals include improving the level of English
and Teaching skills throughout the county, providing the teachers with more
opportunities to be involved in outside activities, re-opening a foreign
exchange program and creating a strong network of English teachers throughout
the county.
I’m happy with my new job and location. Each year of PC has
its own flavor, and I’m excited to see how my 3rd year turns out.
Before my 3rd year truly begins, PC rules say I
have to leave Albania for a month for special leave. I suppose it’s for mental
health, and now that I’m here in the US I understand. The entire month before I
came home, however, I was incredibly stressed and anxious about coming home. I
didn’t want to. It felt like cheating. I always wanted to finish my service
completely and then go home. I had dreams during my service about roaming the
aisles of Target and eating giant burritos, and I always envisioned myself returning
home to that in a more permanent manner. But I’m happy to be here now.
I have 3 weeks. It’s just enough time to see everyone once
or twice, catch up and then take off again. It’s wonderful to see familiar
faces, and there’s nothing like people from back home, but the things that
really get to me are the familiar sensations, the falling back into routines I
once had. Driving is everything. Driving is freedom, and when I’m in my lovely
car rolling down a familiar road blasting a song I can actually recognize on
the radio, I feel elated. Eating those foods that I’ve missed out on for 2
years and 4 months also brings tears of happiness to my eyes (which makes me
look really realllly strange)! However, the amount of English being spoken here
is overwhelming. I’m used to tuning out Albanian conversation and if I hear
English, my ear darts to what’s being said. Now, I find myself eavesdropping
every conversation that’s happening next to me. It gives me a headache. I like home though. I just don’t know when I’ll
be ready to live here again. I’m glad 3 weeks won’t be enough time for me to
start forming any real attachments again.
I was going to write about my future plans, but this post is
getting long, and I’ve only been here for a few days. Perhaps I’ll write
another post before I go, and I’ll include more about reverse culture shock and
future plans. Until then… I plan on eating ALL the avocados.
;) Creepy Albanian wink that I still continue touse in
America. Hajde, shnet, Mirupafshim!